Independent Samantha started off 2011 with a bang and two declarations: "What are you gonna do? FIRE ME?!" and that this year is the Year of No Bullshit. So far, both have gotten me mentally leaps and bounds ahead of where I was before along with finally giving me the satisfaction of not being taken advantage of either professionally or relationship-wise. I've gotten comfortable in my own skin, played by my own rules, and beat to the sound of my own drum.
So you can imagine my surprise when I was accused of being "dependent" on my parents by the seemingly constant couch-surfing Surfer.
While in between apartments I'd stayed with him several nights at his place, but then suddenly got uprooted to another place due to his now ex-roommate venturing off the deep end into axe-murderer status. I gave the new place a shot, but after one night of doing things vagabond-style, I soon found the comforts of my parent's place more appealing and was lured in on Tuesday night with home cooked dinner and a room to myself. Wednesday morning started with rather paranoid texts from him asking if I needed "a break" from him to which I stated that I wasn't, but that crashing in someone else's house who I don't know may be an acceptable route for him and his lifestyle, but it's not my cup of tea. I'm not a nomad nor am I wishing to be one in the near future; I appreciate some degree of stability. Que the response of calling me everything short of a spoiled baby and making me feel as though that one night at home was a prophetic sign of things to come. After discussing the issue I decided to give the other place one last shot, mostly in hopes of proving to him my lack of dependency.
As I'm lying in bed last night it struck me how hypocritical the entire situation was. Staying at my parent's paints me as dependent, but staying at someone else's place doesn't. Am I not seeking the exact same thing at each place? How does a change of scenery alter the perception of me when the needs haven't changed? And most of all, why in God's name do I feel the need to defend or answer to anyone but myself? What I do know for certain is that I need to apply my declaration of No Bullshit and do what's best for Samantha and Samantha only before I fall into the trap I so haphazardly wandered into in the last pointless relationships and think of myself first.
Home cooked meals here I come.
